Whose life have you been living?

by midlifecrisisqueen on June 6, 2013

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.”    — Nido Qubein

And where you start today is determined by how honest you can be about where you are now…  I have been asked a number of times whether I had to hit rock bottom before I could seriously consider changing major parts of my life.  Here is my answer:

“Often we need to feel our deepest pain before we are willing to risk the painful process of growing up. Breakdowns can empower us to grow into our highest self.  The fact is that most of us will not begin to change until we become uncomfortable enough to admit defeat.  Most of us need to be absolutely convinced that the “plan” we’ve had for life is simply not working.

The way this usually comes about is through major life changes that demand our complete attention.  Divorce, serious illness, the death of a loved one, and long-term unemployment in our 40s and 50s, seem to be the most common events that lead to the end of our naïve belief that we have control over everything that happens in our lives.  And these events become ever more common as we age.  These unforeseen and often unforeseeable occurrences can inform us in no uncertain terms that changes in our plan are now in order.

We may first try to defend against the onset of pain and confusion by denying or ignoring this sudden lack of certainty or security in our lives.  We may seek to escape into bad relationships, various addictions, religious faith, or even artificially extreme feelings of independence, as we defend against our need to include others in our lives.

Eventually we may discover that, even though it seems completely counter-intuitive at this tough spot in life, accepting and embracing the chaos and uncertainty we feel surrounded by is our first, best step towards peace.

Stop, sit down quietly, and begin to feel the enormity of this apparent crisis, which may also be one of the most important opportunities of your adult life.

Can you trust in the power of your own psyche to survive this crisis and in that way heal itself?

Know that this is the beginning of your own personal rite of passage into older adulthood.  This is the natural, normal stage of human development studied by psychologists since Carl Jung, when he experienced it himself.

Recognize that you are not the first to feel chaos and uncertainty in your middle years. You are in a well-documented transition period of personal change, growth, and human evolution.  And the best way to move through this life stage smoothly is to embrace the new information and knowledge you will be given…”  Excerpt from Find Your Reason to be Here.

Learn more about this natural rite of passage, and how to transform your life into your own happily ever after, by reading my book:  Find Your Reason To Be Here: The Search for Meaning in Midlife.

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation I built my future success upon.”  – J.K. Rowling


{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Lisa Froman June 14, 2013 at 9:33 am

What a wonderful blog. Inspiring.

Yvonne Wray June 14, 2013 at 10:07 am

” Spend the time necessary to listen to the small, still voice within, the one you may have been ignoring for decades.” This is something to keep in the forefront of our life, the knowing part of ourselves. You describe it well.

midlifecrisisqueen June 14, 2013 at 11:01 am

Yes! When all else fails you, check out the wisdom that has been accumulating inside for decades. I have found it to be quite useful and enlightening! – LLC

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