“I changed my mind and now it works better!”
I’ve been thinking a lot about positive thinking lately. I’m not talking about those who ascribe to the pathologically optimistic worldview of “The Secret.” No, I do not believe focusing on something in the proper way, makes it come true. If that were true, how many of us would still be living in our present circumstances?
I abhor that simplistic way of viewing life, because it blames the rest of us dumb schmucks for not being smart enough to learn how to focus our energies in the right way. In other words, blaming the victim.
On the other hand, I see no advantages to negative thinking, what I fondly call “worry shopping.” My favor saying when it comes to pre-worrying everything in your life is: It’s like paying interest on a loan you may never have to take out. That’s no way to live!
I believe there truly is something in between these two extremes, and that something does actually work for me. For example, my husband Mike is having a big, scary back surgery next week. He is scared and for very good reasons. However, this surgery is the only way to fix a congenital problem with his lower back which has caused all sorts of long-term disability and pain. I have thoroughly researched the problem and the surgeon. We have definitely hired the best around.
It is natural to worry, but does it help in any way? One thing I have learned from my 55 years on this earth is that WE DO CHOOSE what we focus on. Let’s call it conscious thought control. So, this morning I tried some positive visioning with Mike. I tried to “change his mind.” I ask him to imagine having no more pain in his back, wrist and leg, so he could move around like when he was ten again, feeling light and carefree. Since we all have a choice, why not focus on how great we are going to feel later instead of giving up before the surgery even begins?
Another example comes to mind. So many of us would like to find love at least once in this lifetime. That’s why I started my own version of a dating service back in 2004 for those 40+. What’s the main problem when people start dating again? Besides having a gigantic and completely unrealistic wish list, most do not even believe they will find someone they can love. If you assume from the beginning that you are pursuing an impossible goal, why bother? No wonder it all feels hopeless and stupid!
First we must acknowledge that not one of us truly knows what will happen to us today. Positive thinking is simply focusing on what you hope will happen instead of worrying about all the scary versions of “what might happen.” It is deciding not to worry constantly about everything bad, and instead focusing on all of the potentially great things coming your way.
It is a conscious decision to live in love not fear, and the most important choice we make every moment of our lives.
