Since I seem to be on the subject of marriage, I might as well share with you some of the best reasons to get married, and the worst from the “marriage experts.”
Five best reasons to get married:
If you are good at working out your differences, you share common interests, and your partner fills your needs and not just your wants, perhaps you should consider making this relationship more permanent. If you desire the same kind of lifestyle in your future, and you make each other feel special in the long term, marriage may be a good choice for you.
HOWEVER, if you’re marrying to escape family or personal problems, if you’re simply infatuated, or expecting marriage to solve your other problems, forget it. You are living in a dream world that does not exist in reality.
YOU MUST RESOLVE YOUR OWN PERSONAL PROBLEMS BEFORE YOU BRING SOMEONE ELSE INTO YOUR LIFE. THEY CANNOT SOLVE THEM FOR YOU. This is called self-responsibility and taking self-ownership. Be completely honest. YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE EXPERT ON YOU.
Do you struggle with self-esteem issues or depression? Your new partner cannot fix any of those for you. They will only tire of dealing with them constantly. Worse, you will probably unconsciously choose a partner with similar issues. I’ve always found there to be some strange form of justice in relationships: YOU GET WHAT YOU ARE, so spend some time working on yourself!
Remember, marriage can never resolve any of your own personal problems. It will probably only magnify them in the long run. You will only be bringing more problems into the relationship, problems you alone can solve through counseling, coaching, or some other form of intense personal work on yourself and your self image.
These are the reasons I remained alone for four years after my own divorce, to work on my self-esteem and re-learn how to love myself. Grieving the divorce and the mistakes I made in my past, made me more ready to recognize and appreciate new love when it arrived at my door in 2005. Lots of personal work and running my own dating service also helped!
To learn more about what I learned through my own transitions, please read my books: Midlife Magic: Becoming the person you are inside! and my Midife Change Workbook.