A new survey by the AARP reveals that Americans over 45 are far more open to sex outside of marriage than they were ten years ago, but they are generally less interested in sex and with less sexual satisfaction.
What’s the problem? Is it financial stress? Is it general anxiety? Sociologist Pepper Schwartz finds financial stress to be the prime culprit. “The economy has had an impact on people. They’re more liberal in their attitudes, yet they’re having sex less often. The only thing I see that’s changed in a negative direction is financial worries.”
The survey, being released today, is based on detailed questionnaires completed last year by 1,670 people age 45 and over. AARP, which represents 40 million Americans over 50, conducted similar surveys on sexual attitudes and practices in 1999 and 2004.
One of the most pronounced changes over the most recent ten year span, dealt with sex outside of marriage. In the 1999 survey, 41 percent of the respondents said non-marital sex was wrong. That figure dropped to 22 percent in the new survey.
Yet sexual activity — marital or not — seems to be less frequent overall for this age group. In the new survey, 28 percent said they had intercourse at least once a week, and 40 percent at least once a month — both categories were down roughly ten percentage points from 2004. Asked if they were satisfied with their sex lives, 43 percent in the new survey said yes, down from 51 percent in 2004.
Speaking only for myself, sex was the furthest thing from my mind when I was going through a divorce and then losing my job, not to mention losing my house! We all have our priorities, and when it feels like your life is falling apart before your very eyes, who thinks about sex?
But then when I called up my old beau at age 49, after 25 years of missing him, I created some unrealistic but exciting fantasy potential! In fact, in general, I think my sexual fantasies held more interest for me than the real thing back when I was so worried about so many parts of my life.
I’m reading a deliciously vivid book right now about “a late-in-life love affair.” It’s new from the Seal Press, called FREE FALL. Here, Rae Padilla Francoeur creates a lovely memoir of her discovery of a new love at age 58.
Francoeur succumbs entirely to the intensely physical and stimulating relationship she finds with this new love—allowing her body and mind to truly embrace pleasure and sexual desire—and shares intimate details of a love affair that changes everything, leading her to celebrate her sexuality and rediscover herself.
I love losing myself in this book, because it reminds me so much of when I first met Mike at the beginning of 2005. Little did I ever suspect that the most deeply fulfilling relationship of my entire life was still to come at age 49! I agree with Ms. Francoeur.
Life is all about choice: Let go. Be here now. Open up to the possibilities. Enjoy the free fall!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Sounds like a very enjoyable book.
Isn’t it grand when life delivers these wondrous surprises?
So happy for you and Mike,
Mj
Thank you, Maryjo. It’s a page tuner for me! – Laura Lee
Sex at this point just seems like too much work! The courting, the dinners, the fumbling around, I feel like I should just walk up to a gal and ask her, Hey! when was the last time you were really loved? then watch her eyes for a reaction!
Sex is important at any time in life. As time goes on, it may be more about simplicity and intimacy. Simplicity in the sense that it may just be holding hands or kind, loving words, and intimacy as knowing your partner beyond the basics. Could be love I’m talking about.