Because I have no experience with an empty nest, and this issue is such an important part of many baby boomers’ midlife transition, I asked my friend Quinn to share her own feelings on her son’s 25th birthday. Quinn is great at capturing the emotions of missing your kids as they venture out on their own:
After the kids leave – long distance loving, by Quinn
Tomorrow, my son is celebrating his 25th birthday. A group of his friends have booked a private room at a Sushi restaurant followed by a surprise party at his house. His Dad and I will not be at the party because he lives two times zones away – he is in Anchorage and we are in Denver.
I have never met his girlfriend but she and I have an email correspondence and she generously keeps me up to date on the special events of my son’s life. She has emailed photos of his new kitten, his swollen leg after knee surgery and their over-the-top Halloween costumes. In her latest communication, she offered to email me photos of his birthday party. We are two women who share a love of my son and now I love her, sight unseen.
I don’t dwell on the missing of my son or how I don’t see him for months and months on end. For a moment, however, I did wish I could disappear from my living room and reappear in his to see his face when he is surprised tomorrow night….. but science hasn’t progressed that far. Then again, science does allow me to enjoy instant communication through cyberspace and the cell phone.
Last night, I was given a birthday gift in honor of my son’s 25th. I dreamt that he was seven years old and standing in his pajamas at the side of my bed in the middle of the night. The dream was so vivid that I could smell his skin. He asked me for a glass of water and as I gazed at him, I remembered things I had long forgotten – the sound his young voice, the color of his second-grade hair, the way the pajamas hung on his skinny little-boy shoulders. I had never had a dream like this and I was overcome with the sheer magic of it. Just as I am sent emails from cyberspace, I was sent this archived memory from the land of dreams and I feel blessed.
Happy Birthday, son.
