As I read various research studies on how or if we can truly change our lives in midlife, I’m finding a contradiction in terms that I find fascinating! One of the questions that keeps arising is whether we are simply changing our lives, or whether we can actually change our personalities in our middle years.
I realize we probably all have different answers to that question. Many would not choose to change their personalities because they are generally happy with what they have. Perhaps they just want to change jobs, spouses, or go in for a tune-up.
Many also rediscover their original selves and come to see how much happier they are when they finally “become the person they are inside” much like the sub-title of my new book suggests.
Others, like myself, set the inner Self free for the first time, welcoming the freedom to finally be exactly who we wanted to be all along, without so much of the inner critic engaged.
What have you changed at midlife and how has it worked for you? Please respond as a comment or on e-mail at: midlifecrisisqueen@gmail.com
All e-mails are confidential!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I think circumstances often allow us or force us to change. Kids grow up and move away, we get divorced, lose our job or some other major life event happens to catapult us into change. I raised my children in a small town(rather suffocating for me) so they could be near their father after our divorce. When the youngest graduated from high school, I left for the big city and started a new life.
Lia:
I know some of us, like myself, felt determined to change our circumstances in midlife, but does that also change us in internal ways? Do external changes in our lives also lead to internal transformation?
What do you think?
Laura Lee
I’ve been thinking about your question. It’s a bit tough. I believe for the most part, we are who we are by midlife. But, I think that we can rub some of the rough edges off if we want to, assert ourselves in new ways, and make up our minds to transform to a degree. My easy-going husband has given me some guidance on not obsessing over things over which I have no control, and it has actually worked for me. I’m a bit more mellow in general, but not always.
I moved from a small town to a large city and gained confidence that my job skills were just as good and valuable and transferable.
More specifically what do you mean by internal transformation?
Hi Lia:
Glad to hear you’ve been thinking about this! Please see my post from today to see the ways I feel I’ve been transformed by changing my husband, my career and my home. Perhaps our definition of ‘transformed’ is getting in the way of us knowing what that is!
LLC