It has been found through brain research that we remember best the most emotional experiences of our lives.
That explains why I still have such painful memories of my time alone after I separated from my husband in the early spring of 2001 at age 46.
Even though I had lived most of my adult life as a single person, getting married for the first time at age 39, my own return to singlehood was quite traumatic on a number of different levels.
Being in a couple had become normalized for me, so the shock of doing just about everything alone again seemed somehow strange and so awkward. Waking up alone, eating alone, watching TV alone, driving around alone and, of course, going to bed alone.
Having two loyal shelties helped me feel a little less lonely, but finding myself suddenly single left me feeling like everyone in the world had someone special in their life except me.
Most of the “friends” we had made during our seven year marriage deserted me when the divorce became a reality. I was so glad that I had maintained a few separate friendships, because during the divorce process, most of our “friends” from our marriage simply vaporized.
I felt as if I somehow served as fair warning to others of how they did not want to end up. I wrote about these feelings in my essay: “I said I’m divorced, not contagious” in my book Midlife Magic.
Of course, it did not help that I was feeling so angry and hurt in this period of my life. The dark, dangerous dragon of clinical depression reared it’s ugly head and stuck around my house for a couple of years. Feelings of failure, hopelessness and bottomless despair were not uncommon. I even thought of ending it all a few memorable times, but I tried antidepressants instead.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I am so glad I hung in there and suffered through the bad times to get to the good again. Some of the best things that have ever happened to me came as a result of my divorce and the job loss that followed two years later.
In fact, I’m now feeling better about myself and my life than I ever have. What a shame it would have been to miss “the dawn” because I could not bear “the darkest hour.” That is why I insist we should all “Hang on because it DOES all change!”
