What is lost during a midlife crisis?

In my experience, the two most important things lost during any kind of crisis is our old sense of self, and the gigantic fear most of us have of changing something important in our lives.

In return, we may discover courage, resourcefulness, resiliency,  and many other important and attractive qualities within that we never knew existed.

Most of our lives are spent in our comfort zone.  This can be extremely limiting.   We tend to stick with what’s known even if it seems restrictive at times.  We continue on with our little lives, staying in the same marriage, the same job or the same mindset which we honestly find completely and utterly unsatisfying on a deeper level.

Why? Because if we change anything we would be creating a challenge to ourselves to find a better life.  We might make ourselves uncomfortable by asking difficult questions like:

“Why am I here?  What have I done with my life so far?”

What do I need to do before I die?

Instead we lay low and hope for the best.

Then some crisis occurs like a divorce, a job loss or the death of a significant other, which shows us how stuck and complacent we really are.  It shows us that we have not taken full responsibility for our lives in ages.  We see we have been doing everything for others or coasting for quite a while.  It shows us how Bored, Tubby and Mild we have become, and challenges us to do something different.

I know how much I hated confronting the failure I felt when my marriage finally disintegrated.  I didn’t even think I could bear the loss of my job, because I had always been successful in it and had never lost a job in my life.  The feelings of failure and loss were overwhelming at times.  It was time to grieve my previous self so that I could then regain my zest for life and embrace who I was now.

Eventually I saw my crisis as a once in a lifetime opportunity to become something better, my true self.  With severance and then unemployment I had some time to explore ALL of my new options.

Interestingly, I named my new business “Intriguing Possibilities.”  It was a dating service but I see now how I was unconsciously embracing a whole new world of possibilities my double crisis had created for me.

I love this line from the GREAT old film “A Thousand Clowns” when it comes to midlife crisis:

“You have been given the rare opportunity of returning the unused portion of your life, and having your money refunded.”

Nothing is lost in a midlife crisis except your limited way of seeing your life and your own potential.  It is a not-to-be-missed chance at do-overs before it’s all over!

Tagged as: crisis and personal change, defining midlife crisis, embracing mid-life change, lost in midlife crisis, mid-life crisis, midlife crisis