I live in northern Colorado and yesterday I attended an all day conference provided for the recently unemployed, by our county’s workforce office, funded by stimulus package funds.
The idea was to provide information and encouragement to those searching for that illusive next job.
Essentially it’s purpose was to tell us not to give up on our present atrocious employment situation.
The first thing I noticed was that almost everyone there was in midlife or older. They were my kind of people, those who have been around long enough to know that this economy is not their fault, but feel angry and cheated by those who have made a killing at our expense.
My heart broke for those in their 60s and 70s who may never find another good job again. It hurt to look around that room and feel the terrible struggles so many of those good, hard-working Americans were experiencing right now. It brought back strong memories of my own long-term depression after I lost my job in 2004. First my marriage crumbled in 2001, then I lost my job, and by early 2005 it looked certain that I would lose my home next.
The bright spot for me was a young (relatively speaking) woman I met in the afternoon. She told me of her four young kids and her husband’s difficulties finding any kind of work lately. She had worked as an admin assistant and a waitress before having children, but had no idea what kind of job she could get now.
I challenged her by saying: “What would you absolutely LOVE to do for a living?” Her eyes brightened as she revealed her passion for making fancy baby blankets. She even had some that were so nice she had kept them for herself. With encouragement, she slowly realized that she might at least try to sale some of them on Craigs List or YouTube. Who knows! In the end she thanked me for reminding her that she had special skills that could bring joy to others.
That was when I again realized the power behind Derek Filkins words from an excellent morning networking workshop I had attended. I focused on the simple phrase:
Ask for EXACTLY what you want!
Most might say this is simplistic nonsense. But I know that in those unusual times when I have believed in myself and my needs strongly enough, and known that I DESERVED exactly what I wanted in that moment, I have received it.
My best example is the dating service I began in 2004 because I needed a job and a date! I was so focused on love and believing in its power to transform lives at that time. And sure enough, very inadvertently, I met the love of my life through my competition: Match.com!
I find it fascinating how hard it is for most of us to simply ask for exactly what we want. I guess we have been brainwashed to think that we can have something close to what we want, but certainly not have it all. How selfish and narcissistic that would be!
But if we do not stand up for our own deepest needs and desires in this moment in time, who will?
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Asking for what you want is a liberating, empowering idea. Like you, many wonderful things have come to me because I was willing to admit having a desire and asking others to help me achieve it.
However, after many years as a mediator helping people solve problems, I realized many folks can’t ask. They worry about being indebted. They worry about being embarrassed. They even worry about getting exactly what they want…and not liking it.
Whether it’s your marriage, your career, or gifts, my grandma’s advice is still true:
If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Love=Fun
Dina
http://www.thismarriagething.com
Yes, the way Dr. Phil puts it: “The most you will get out of life is what you ask for.” I’ve decided to ask for LOTS MORE!!! And EXACTLY want I want this time! I can hardly wait!!!
Laura Lee