I saw “He’s just not that into you” the movie yesterday. I read the book in 2004 when it first came out. I saw no similarities between the book and the movie. In fact, they seemed completely unrelated.
The book was a snarky, smart ass advice book directed at young women who keep falling for all the WRONG MEN, and won’t give up on them even when they start to get abused. It was a wake up call to all women to get a little self-respect and stop falling in love with total jerks. It was also very funny at times. Greg Behrendt certainly has a way with humor.
The movie was entertaining, but certainly not the book in any form. No snarkiness. The tone was more compassion for all of us who have been fools for love in our past. I thought it was like an advertisement for my own philosophy of love: You get what you are.
Funny how especially in youth, we think we will attract the most beautiful, together mate when we ourselves are completely messed up. We have no self-love or respect, we treat others badly, we simply haven’t gained the level of maturity which makes us good company. But we still think a miracle will happen and the nicest, kindest person will choose to spend their life with us.
The other mistake we make with young love is we judge the book by the cover almost completely. The way our lover looks is so much more important because we want to make others jealous. Slowly we learn that a jerk is a jerk no matter how he/she looks, and they can break our hearts much more easily.
Expecting twenty-somethings to do love well is like expecting students untrained in math to ace their SATs. It ain’t going to happen! We all have to stumble around making difficult, painful mistakes until we mature and learn to know ourselves better. When you know yourself and finally become honest about your own flaws, true love becomes much more possible.
That is why I found midlife love so refreshing! When I met Mike I quickly saw that there would be no more nonsense in this relationship. We each knew far too well our own flaws and had acknowledged our deep need to be close with another who could accept us unconditionally. We had spent most of our adult years alone and consciously chose to make the gigantic effort to welcome another trusting soul into our lives.
This relationship has developed into so much more than I expected at the beginning of it. I’m so glad I fought all the necessary battles within myself to get to this point in life. The reward is so much worth all the times I searched for love and could not find it.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
First, kudos on the interview in Denver – here’s the link: http://cbs4denver.com/recession/midlife.crisis.queen.2.931653.html – in case you wanted to read it.
Second, Agree with the posting about love the second time around. 2nd anniversary for my 2nd marriage is in April, after being divorced for 25 years and a single mom for 10. Definitely different and more real this time.
Again, great job on the blog. Would you care to check out our new blog? Thanks! Vikki at http://www.data-depot.blogspot.com – have a great day!
(Having troubles posting comment so if it’s duplicate, please ignore!)
Don’t miss my post called “Falling in love at 49.”
It’s been very popular!
The Queen