I’m detecting an interesting controversy, one I find troubling, but it has come to my attention that there are some that believe we really don’t have the right to be who we are.
So I ask you, do you have the right to be who you are inside, or is that just too selfish?
Most of us were raised to play certain roles in our lives, roles like daughter, teenager, college student, wife, mother, grandmother, etc. We all act the way we are expected to act to some extent. We learn from our family and our culture how to play these roles, and when we’re younger we really don’t know what else to do. Most of us follow the rules.
Family traditions have also often determined what we do for a living. If we were raised in a family that specialized in certain trades, we often follow in our mother or fathers’ footsteps because it is familiar and we have the proper training and connections to keep doing the same sort of work. This provides a simpler if much more limited existence, and makes it more difficult to change your status or move up the ladder of success.
Today we have a whole new generation of Americans (the boomers) who believe they have the right to become whomever they find themselves to be, as my new book subtitle suggests: Becoming the person you are inside.
Even if we take until midlife to figure out what that is, we still believe we have the right to pursue our own interests, identities and goals regardless of past roles, indoctrination and training. This struggle is often defined as a midlife crisis.
This internal battle may be to reconcile what we’re “supposed to be” in our jobs or relationships with others, with what we know in our hearts is our authentic self. The struggle within can be as difficult as the whole “coming out” experience of those who decide that they are gay.
I took a copy of my book to my exercise class at the local senior center on Monday. The instructor announced the title to the class and at the end an elderly woman made a point of coming back to talk to me about it. She said, “I’m 88 years old and I still haven’t become the person I am inside.”
I loved this lady for sharing her truth with me! She hasn’t ever felt free enough to allow her true self to show through. I realized then that this is a major generational difference! Previous generations have suffered by only feeling free to play their proper roles in life, never finding and then acknowledging and honoring their true character and uniqueness in the world.
I honor this elder for informing me of this fact. She instructs us in how much the world has changed in the past 30 or 40 years!
“The 50’s are everything you are meant to be!” -Maya Angelou
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
The world would be a better place if we all just pursued the person we feel we truly are instead of bowing to societal pressure to be what someone else thinks we should be. I loved the story about the 88 year old woman, but how sad that she will probably die without finding her true self.
RIGHT ON BARBARA!
I don’t think it’s selfish at all.
I call it good mental health! Laura Lee aka THE QUEEN
I actually think that is the quest for retirement and third age. Boomers thought they could ignore roles, but still got sucked into earning a living, raising a family, etc. I’m hoping as more people move away from those roles, they will allow themselves to explore who they are.
Selfish. Abosolutely not. I have so much more to give if I’m coming from my strength and power, instead of a sense of obligation.
Cathy:
You are so right! I have found exactly the same in my life. Sure hope others risk discovering this for themselves! It can be so freeing! Laura Lee
Whike it’s true that our generation has had more freedom than previous ones, there have always been those brave souls who defied convention and pursued whatever they wanted to. But sometimes it’s a huge job to figure out exactly who we are. It seems to me that most older people are less concerned with social pressures than younger people, it’s one of the benefits of aging.