I wrote a few weeks ago about discovering that I am a highly sensitive person, and how reassuring that was to me. This week I had a new insight about myself connected to this previous discovery.
For as long as I can remember I have wondered why I so rarely feel comfortable in group settings. Even in my family of origin, I have sometimes felt uncomfortable, like I didn’t belong somehow. Noisy discussions always made me want to run away, and aggressive people sent me running for cover. I used to regularly escape into my books.
Now I belong to a writing group where I often sit and wonder why I’m not enjoying this group experience. Then I had an insight! As a highly sensitive person, I pick up on so many different vibes in a group of say four or more people, it overwhelms me at times.
I feel over-stimulated because I pick up on the many different feelings going around the room, the funny looks, the criticisms, the ulterior motives behind some act of apparent teasing or kidding. My radar literally picks up too much! After a few hours of this, I am emotionally exhausted and need to leave the room.
You can imagine what I was like in counseling groups! They usually left me confused and exhausted. I’ve always preferred meeting with someone one on one. Now I know why.
At faculty meetings as an academic librarian, I used to sit and imagine how each committee member could benefit from a good therapist. We had a few genuine emotional basket cases where I used to work! How about you?
Now I feel like I can more easily accept how I’m different than others. I know when a group is too much for me and I also know when it’s time to leave, and I do, but now without as much confusion and self-criticism on my part.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m so glad HSP’s are often writers. This is how we are able to connect and learn from each other. I’d love to hear your thoughts about the YouTube book trailer that was made for my memoir about growing up sensitive. It explains high sensitivity and helps people to recognize the trait. Please write and say hello if you get a chance!
Thanks,
Jenna Author, Help Is On Its Way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZhqfwu2mtY
I acted the clown to get through the tough times, fought when that didn’t work. I mean fist-fighting as a kid, singing in a doo wop group as a teenager, and fighting again as a Vietnam War infantry platoon leader.
Next I was lured into writing. Worked as a journalist and then felt more compassion for my fellow workers and became a union organizer for the newspaper guild. I wanted to be a labor lawyer and went to law school only to get a sign from God in the form of a D in labor law. Switched to criminal law, where I got a whopping C average and defended the underdog for 20 years as a public defender in the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia.
Now, I am on disability from PTSD from the previous generation’s war. Got more time to meditate and find spiritual growth through studies of Eastern philosophies and fun things like Feng Shui and Reflexology. Still am sensitive, and more aware of it. Don’t feel so all alone, thanks, in large part, to people like yourself.
michael j
Conshohocken, PA USA