Did you see the Dr. Phil show last week about “cougars”? I have such a hard time relating to this apparent trend. It’s about older women in midlife pursuing much younger men. Added into the equation is often the fact that the older women have lots of money, and the men in their 20’s and 30’s are basically boy toys.
The first thing that comes to my mind when I consider this concept is how much I didn’t like most men in their 20’s and 30’s even when I was their age! Talk about a selfish, self-absorbed, confused lot! Then when you add in their boundless insecurity and still undiagnosed depression…if I’d had any brains at all in my head I would have run the other way!
But I didn’t. In my own boundless insecurity, I kept wondering what was the matter with me when these young ones didn’t like me. Men this age are still pushing the limits to see what they can get away with in relationships, and in my case they got away with MURDER!
Then there’s the whole money angle to the story. I try very hard not to base my personal relationships on how much the other person has, and I’ve never had enough for anyone else to love me for it. The whole idea of loving someone for their money is foreign to me. My first husband had plenty of money but little human understanding and empathy. Been there, done that, won’t go there again!
I actually feel kind of sorry for the poor unassuming mountain lion that this craze got named after. They may eat you for lunch, but they won’t steal your money and take advantage of your emotional vulnerability!
The other night I was talking to Mike about this whole cougar concept and I said, “I would never want to be a ‘cougar.’ I can’t imagine it!” and he replied, “Maybe not yet!” That cracked me up! I got this hilarious image in my mind of myself at age 78 or 80, flirting with some hot, young 60 year olds in the neighborhood. YUM!!!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I feel like I’m in a gospel chorus singing “Amen” to your take on this whole cougar trend! Like you I “didn’t like most men in their 20’s and 30’s even when I was their age!”
Also like you, the idea of trying to buy love (or passion, youth, or naivetee) is very distasteful to me.
I prefer someone who’s on par with me when it comes to relative life experience and maturity. That’s not to say that I think people should stick within their own age group when dating; I just can’t imagine finding the substance I’m looking for in a 20-year-old! (And, yuck, that’s just too close to my nephew’s age!) Thankfully, I’ve got my husband who is just 5 years older than I and, more importantly, who has a life experience that I can relate to. Besides, it’s nice being able to refer to him as my “much older man!”
I did a blog post on this recently. I find it a very strange concept. Never mind the advisability of basing a relationship on a power differential around money. That’s paying for sex, not a ‘relationship’ in my book
The thing for me is, how interesting could a 25 year old be?? Life has to kick you around a little bit before you’re interesting. i have had some early 20 something interns and while sweet, they sure have a lot to learn.
And on the sexual front, give me finesse over stamina anyday
“The first thing that comes to my mind when I consider this concept is how much I didn’t like most men in their 20’s and 30’s even when I was their age! Talk about a selfish, self-absorbed, confused lot! Then when you add in their boundless insecurity and still undiagnosed depression…if I’d had any brains at all in my head I would have run the other way!”
I felt the same way about women my age (early 20’s). Totally clueless and ignorant and sleep with idiots. My friends and I loved hearing from women only 2 or 3 years older how ‘immature’ we were but could not define it and did not bother to find out.
I had better conversations with women old enough to be my mother and some of them were better looking at times than the younger ones.
Maybe some of us were depressed because we were not getting ‘intimacy’ and the dating scene for some of us was frustrating endeavor of dissappointment.
Yes, I’m not saying I was anymore “mature” when I was in my 20’s. Please see my post called “Finding True Love” for my assessment.
My present husband and I fully acknowledge that we probably wouldn’t have gotten along in our 20’s and 30’s. We were both too selfish and insecure within ourselves to love. It is a gigantic commitment to truly love another, with adequate distance and respect.
Most of us never love ourselves enough to take the next step and share that love with another.