Having recently gone through the harrowing experience of a serious accident and it’s aftermath, I thought you might all benefit from some top do’s and don’ts when someone you love is injured or becomes seriously ill.
1. Do something. Say something. Don’t do or say nothing! BTW, an e-mail is nothing!
2. Do encourage your friend’s strength, spirit and efforts as they try to recover. Don’t minimize their efforts by saying trite things like: “A positive attitude is everything.”
3. Do help your friend communicate with others if they request it. In my case I was not able to communicate with my friends how disabled I was for a few weeks.
4. Do allow your friend to set the mood and limits around them. If they need to talk or vent, go with it. Don’t impose your mood or fears upon them. Respect their limits in the amount of time they can handle spending with others at first.
5. Do bring cards, food, flowers, videos, etc. to cheer the person up, assist them, and make them feel loved and appreciated.
6. Do include your friend in events and activities which they might be able to enjoy. It can get mighty lonely and discouraging spending days on end alone and aching.
7. Do acknowledge physical changes and disabilities; don’t just ignore them or talk around them.
8. Do offer specific help. Don’t wait for the injured person to ask. If they have experienced a serious injury or concussion, it may not even occur to them to ask. Call them and visit when necessary to offer assistance.
9. Do ask sincerely and specifically about what they have gone through, and allow them to talk about their experience quietly. Listening may be your best skill at this point in time. Severe illness and injury is traumatic, and should be processed emotionally as needed. For example, there are aspects of PTSD related to most serious accidents. Be open to helping your friend recover memories of the experience that they may have forgotten, process bad dreams surrounding their experience, etc.
It seems to me that many of our generation have lost the fine time-honored art of empathy and compassion necessary to care for those that are ill or injured. This will not serve us well, as we age and start to depend more heavily on our friends and loved ones for assistance.
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Nine very good points on what you can do to help out an injured or ill person.
Thank you.