I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
When I was little I was sure I could be anything I wanted to be. I used to love reading the biographies of all sorts of cool American women, and then I’d dream about being a strong, brave pioneer woman in the American West.
Somewhere along the line I learned about Jane Goodall. Loved those National Geographic specials on TV! I thought, there’s a woman who knew what she wanted and went after it, so I decided to be just like her and not let anything get in the way of MY dreams!
Then reality rudely set in, but not before I decided, after living in Bangkok, Thailand for a few months at age 19, to become the first woman ambassador to China. I had very big plans!
My reality was that I could never focus on one thing long enough to follow through. I would get all excited about something like, say China, spend a couple of years learning Chinese (BTW, this is truly the toughest thing I EVER DID!) and in that process learn that I couldn’t stand living in China, and Taiwan pretty much stunk too! What then?
I decided to settle down and just be a mild-mannered librarian for a few years and see where that took me. In my case, it led me to my marriage to a totally inappropriate man. I guess I was trying to beat the odds…you know that old joke about it being more likely to be kidnapped by a terrorist than get married at age 40?
But being the self-sacrificing type, I did my very best to try and make my marriage work. We’ve all learned that lesson by now, haven’t we? One person cannot MAKE a marriage work. See, I thought I could do anything!
The thing that both threatened my life but also saved it, was my version of a midlife crisis. First the divorce and then the job loss, woke me up out of my own complacency. I had wrongly thought that financial security and job security were the meaning of life, but they are only a “means” to a life. If you have both of those, but still no life that you want to live, what’s the point?
I finally realized that finding a career I could love was very important to my overall happiness, but finding a life full of love is so much more so! And when these two goals work together, Oh-la-la! You’ve got it made!
Through pure, dumb luck I met a man who loved me unconditionally. In fact, he loved me and believed in my pure potential so much, that he was willing to support me through the difficult stages of changing careers, learning the ropes, and slowly building a writing career from scratch at age 50. That, my friend, is my version of hitting the jackpot.
So I went from assuming that my career was my best shot at finding adult happiness, to realizing that a strong, supportive relationship had everything to do with living my best life. Just by chance, that love also included the support I needed to pursue my own dream career!!! OMG, the gods must be smiling on me!
{ 1 trackback }