I saw an exceptionally informative one hour special on PBS the other night called Depression for Men. I have also heard the book: Darkness Visible by Wm. Styron is an excellent resource.
Since I have studied psychology for years, have a graduate degree in it, and have had a number of close male friends who have suffered from clinical depression (See Defining Depression for the DSM IV definition of clinical depression), I thought I had a pretty good understanding of the male experience of depression. This special showed me how little I truly understood, and how debilitating and life threatening this condition can be.
First of all I learned that many men simply see this disabling illness as “just the way life is” and, therefore, don’t even consider seeking treatment. They perceive depression as a failure or weakness on their part, which they are embarrassed about so they “treat” it by isolating themselves, emotional eating or anorexia, and pushing loved ones and help away, while trying to appear strong and invincible on the outside.
I also thought I had had some personal experience with clinical depression, but my experiences had all been in response to specific depressing things that were happening in my life at the time. One man in this special noted, that even when things were going great in his life, depression would undermine his confidence and self-esteem. He simply did not want contact with others, and felt that his family would be better off without him, so he then began considering suicide.
Some of the signs of depression in men, since they try very hard to hide it from others, are withdrawal, irrational feelings that things will never change or get better, hopelessness, loss of connections with others, large amounts of weight loss or gain, no energy, unpredictable moods, and numbing out with any kind of addictive substances. (TV, video games, drugs, food, sex, alcohol, exercise, etc.)
The greatest obstacle to seeking treatment for many men is the admission that they see themselves as weak, crazy, lazy, or guilty of not “being a man” in their own perception. They feel that: REAL MEN don’t get depressed. They just stuff their feelings and go on until they hit some wall of personal crisis like separation, divorce, job loss, death in the family, etc. When this occurs, the pain becomes so unbearable that they either kill themselves, or finally seek help rather than continuing to “soldier through.”
In addition to the obvious dangers of trying to ignore depression until it becomes unbearable, the risk of heart attack is 3-4 times greater in men with depression.
I guess the bottom line is to try and convince those that suffer with depression that this is a serious illness, and there are medical professionals specifically trained to relieve your pain.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
The truth is there are more women who attempt to commit suicide. But for most, it is like just a drama…meaning they are not determined enough. And so, they still live after getting hospitalized. But with men, the signs they kept it to themselves and then it builds up…and the final straw, a definitely fatal suicide attempt.
there was an interesting book published on male depression a few years back called “I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression “. it also described depressed men as feeling across as angry…frustrated. many of us view depression as sad, tired…but in an attempt to cover up the more “vulnerable” emotions…men can tend to come across with “action” emotions vs passive.
(the amazon link if you’re interested: http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398)
nice catch!
suzanne