I would say the odds depend entirely on you.
First of all, you need to re-define love for yourself. What would that look like? Or feel like right now? I highly recommend writing down your own list of desires and deal-breakers. But the more important question is:
Do you still believe in love?
Chances are, if you are recently separated or divorced, there’s still lots of bad feelings lurking about love. Love may just seem like a bad joke, filled with betrayal, anger, and bitterness.
In my case, a twenty-five year old ache returned after I left my husband. I slowly realized that I had never really gotten over a love affair gone wrong in my early twenties. That sense of betrayal still haunted me in two ways: First of all, it was my introduction to unconditional love, so the rejection was absolutely devastating, and I could not let go of the guilt I felt for ruining the best love relationship of my entire life. Having such an early and disillusioning experience with love, lowered my standards for all future relationships. I felt like I shouldn’t expect too much in my future.
I felt a deep need to understand my past experiences with love, before I could move on and believe again. The dilemma became, how do I resolve this past pain? After much thought and many tears, I decided the only real solution would be to talk to the man who had hurt me so much twenty-five years before. He held the key to my catharsis.
Luckily, I found the courage to finally call him and he was very open to discussing our shared past. Over a few long and difficult discussions, I found some resolution to my jaded beliefs about love. I realized that none of the previous problems we had had were my fault, so I then found new strength in going on with my life. Love again made sense to me. It was no longer this punishing, rejecting experience….my heart came back alive.
Do you have any dark, painful issues lurking in your own love history that have created false beliefs and expectations of what love is or can be?
After I resolved my past issues, I became determined to find someone who loved me exactly the way I was. I fully believed that was possible. I wanted someone who could become my best cheerleader in life, and I felt certain I could offer the same to him, because I again believed in the power of love. A few months later I met the love of my life!
Because of advertising and some wild cultural values, we have this crazy idea that love has to do with how we look and what we wear. But deep down inside we are all like children, craving true acceptance and understanding.
Learn to believe in love and how to love yourself, then others will find you much more loveable!
To learn more about what I learned through my own transitions, please read my books: Midlife Magic: Becoming the person you are inside! and my Midife Change Workbook.
