An associated press article caught my attention today:
“Economy forces some adults to move home with parents.”
When I first glanced at it, I assumed it was about young people in their 20′s returning home when they lost their first job, but this is about grown children (in their 40′s and 50′s) moving back in with their parents following divorce and/or job layoffs.
The article quotes a California financial planner who says she has never seen older children, even those in their 50′s, depending so much on their parents as in the last six months. And another planner states: “Parents jeopardize their financial freedom by continuing to subsidize their children…We have a hard time saying no as a culture to our children, and they keep asking for more.” Some of her clients are giving as much as $50,000 at a time to their children.
Now there’s a problem I haven’t thought about often. But I can see how a combination of chronic illness, divorce and job loss could culminate in a major decision to move back home, even if it’s only temporary. I can even see a positive side to this dilemma, especially if the parents need a little extra help around the house or with health issues, and the grown children are willing to help out. It’s a return to the concept of the extended family, but can it work today?
It all depends on your relationship with your parents. If your relationship has evolved so that you can now relate to your parents on an adult to adult level, with respect and integrity on all sides, and there is plenty of space to create separate, private environments for each family member, than it’s possible this could be a workable temporary arrangement. In the best possible scenario, family members could offer each other emotional support during trying times.
There is no American rule that says we cannot live with our parents past a certain age, or that we shall not need extra help at those most difficult times of our lives. The assumption is that we should all become totally independent by 20 or 25, but life has a way of being unpredictable, especially in this economy. Every family must decide for themselves what works and what may be impossible because of their particular family arrangement.
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How interesting! I was just talking about this subject with a friend. I will have to find the original article. We are both single and thinking how nice it would be to have a society where families lived together throughout their lives, or at least lived in the same town. Now, my particular family is rather dysfunctional, so it’s one thing in theory and another in practice.