Now there’s a novel title for a book! Have you heard of Ben Karlin? New York Magazine says: “If you’ve laughed in the last ten years, Ben Karlin was responsible.” This former producer of both the “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” and co-author of the book America, collected 212 pages of “semi-insightful and mostly hilarious lessons from a lineup of writers and comedians” and named it: “Things I Learned From the Women Who’ve Dumped Me.” Amazon.com calls this book, “High Fidelity-style insight into the inner workings of the modern male mind.”
Wow! This book just came out so I haven’t read it, but I LOVED the movie “High Fidelity.“ I loved the idea of going back to all your past lovers, even from high school, and asking them why they dumped you.
I come from the ”live and learn” school of love, and I have my own share of “dumped” experiences. In fact, one boyfriend and I used to joke about the expression: “He dumped her like a bad habit!” and then guess what happened…
Yes, being dumped really hurts, but it can also help in subtle, pain-filled ways. It’s one of the biggest reality checks most of us get in life, that and losing our jobs! At first we are stunned and grumpy, but it sure gives us pause to think, time to think about things like, “Did I really want to be in that relationship or in that job?” “Was I only staying because it was easier than moving on with my life?” and, “What are my options now?”
On my favorite TV show, CBS Sunday Morning, they discussed the divorce rate in honor of Valentine’s Day today. Now there’s some food for thought! I don’t think most of us fully realize what a stigma was attached to divorce in the 1960′s in the U.S. Sometimes you even had to leave town if you got divorced!
I found the same situation when I lived in Taipei in the 1980′s. Divorced women there were ostracized terribly, with no rights to even their own children if the man said he wanted them. When I first moved there I thought, “I wonder why all the women here want to move to the U.S?” but by the time I left I thought, “If I was a Taiwanese woman, I’d leave this place!” It was the most sexist society I had ever encountered.
The divorce rate in the U.S. increased from 25% in the 1960s, to 50% in the 1980s, and yet 85% of us get married at least once in life. That’s the optimism of the human spirit coming through. Is it our belief that we are all only human and make mistakes in life? Why should we suffer forever for a mistake made at an earlier age? It probably also represents a gigantic increase in the economic power of women. Economic power equals freedom for most.
One of the “experts” on Sunday Morning had a unique and original take on what our increased divorce rate might mean. He said it indicates a kind of hopefulness. Those who get divorced believe there might be something better out there for them, otherwise they would stay in their miserable marriage.
So what do we really learn from being dumped, anyway? I liked the answer of one of the men interviewed for the new book,”Things I learned…” Getting dumped early and often simply teaches us what we can’t get away with. It can also be an important guide to finding our own true worth…
Divorce is expensive, freedom priceless!
