Now for some midlife humor, and a special warning to be NICE to your spouse:
Dear Tide detergent:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.
My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my nice white blouse!
I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative, and then my attorney called to say that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.
P.S. Just so you don’t miss Lynn’s LOL comment, I’ve posted it here:
UCLA STUDY (VERY INTERESTING & SHORT)
A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
LOL LOL LOL LOL……good one….thanks 4 sharing….now if i could just read what she wrote to “Hefty”…LOL LOL LOL LOL
Great humor piece. Hope you publish it a few other places. (Not that I’m advocating death by household products.) Here’s a related piece, sent to me by my friend and former student, Dr. Richard Garde.
UCLA STUDY (VERY INTERESTING & SHORT)
A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
Dear Hefty Bag People:
Thanks so much for your, well, helfty bags! They can clean up the worst messes no matter how much they weigh! LOL, LOL, LOL…
THANK YOU LYNN!!!!!!!
I LAUGHED FOR A LONG TIME OVER THAT IMAGE!!!
Signed, The Queen
At my most desperate moments of dealing with menopause, I often thot…I’m either going to get some help with this or I’m going to have to start killing people!
Ahh the power of Tide – washes away dirt, guilt, and shame.
Thanks for the Monday smiles Laura Lee.
Oh, the images … duct tape, a lodged spear, fire … funny. What is sobering is the rage these images express. Midlife is so like puberty in the hormonal roller coaster … but now we have so much more ability to cope because of connections, communication … and blogs like this! Keep up the good work, MidlifeCrisis Queen!