Family History

Greetings Midlife Sojourners!

I just returned home after a brief visit to see my parents in the mountains of New Mexico. Yesterday was a harrowing journey through three mountain passes in near blizzard conditions. But the worst of it was I-25 through Denver, as usual. The internet service down there is undependable and intermittent at best, so I took a break from my blog.

As always, I learned lots about my family on this trip. My Mom rarely communicates with her sister, but she recently received an interesting letter from my aunt about my grandmother’s last days on earth. My grandmother’s last wise words before her death at age 74 were something like:  “It’s taken me a long time, but I now I know one thing:  WE ALL NEED TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT. Live now and don’t worry about the rest. Nothing will be changed by any amount of worry except us.  We might be immobilized by it.”

This reminded me of the BEST letter I ever read in TIME magazine a few years ago. TIME had done an issue on risk management. Chris A. Blunt responded with:

“At 88 years old, I have learned in my long marriage and even longer life that worrying is an exercise in futility and does not change a thing. I haven’t worried since the Nazis arrested me in 1938 and shipped me off to a concentration camp. I had worried the night before. Afterward I decided that worrying is a waste of time and no help whatsoever. What will be will be.”

We tried that attitude on our drive home through the icy, snowy mountains yesterday. Every time we started getting anxious about what was over the next hill, we said, “I guess there’s something else we don’t control” and just kept on trucking.

In our world today, where we like to believe we control so much of what happens around us, including our immediate environment, things can change in an instant. If we believe we control everything, we then feel responsible for everything around us.

We actually control very little, but what we do control is how we respond to what happens to us at every moment in time. This is our “response” ability.

Do we fly off the handle and have a fit when things don’t go our way? The automatic response is easier, but can we try it a different way? Can we take a moment to understand ourselves in this anxiety producing situation, and then consider where the other person may be coming from. Can we calmly explain to them our own view point and perhaps sooth their anxiety level just a bit? Is this relationship perhaps more important to you, than your position on this particular topic? Can we change even though we may feel quite stuck in our ways?

I felt Chris Blunt’s comments put it all in perspective well. Coming from a family of world class worriers, (Hey, we’ve got generations of ulcers to prove it!) I’ve decided worrying is like paying interest on a loan you may never even take out.

Thanks Grandma for those wise words. I’m glad we all got to hear them eventually!

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Tagged as: all that we do not control, worry doesn't improve your life, worry is a waste of life