Here- in the last paragraph of this post- you address precisely what Im at odds with- not men, not ex husbands, not bills to pay or anything else external.

You hit on the head. I AM at the start of a “major” learning phase. Im at odds with how to “stop the self sacrificing behaviors and taking care of number one for a while.” Im not really angry anymore.. probably frightened is a better descriptor.

I’ve always been a “giver”. Simply put, I get off on giving to others- affection, gifts, loyalty, whatever. And while I realize this may be seen as a “self-sacrifice” to set myself up for different sorts of disappointments, Im wise enough to know not to expect anything or even the same in return. I simply do, to do. I enjoy it.

As for “taking care of number one”, I think I already do. Some of my co-workers believe Im too self-centered as I live alone, come and go as I please, have pretty commanding position at work and do alot of extracurricular activities: travel, work out weekly, go to salons/spas..

Am I missing something here?? Is this not what self nuturing is about? I can look at the stars in a clear night sky and see the simple beauty of them just being there. What else should I be taking away from that experience other than 2 minutes distraction? These are my questions..