“Love is lovelier, the second time around. Just as wonderful, with both feet on the ground. It’s that second time you hear your love song sung, makes you think perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young.”
And so it is. Falling in love later can be quite the challenge, but when it happens, it feels just like a miracle! To me it felt like winning the lottery, and in a way it was.
When I think back to all the reasons why Mike and I should not have met, it boggles my mind that we ever did. Although we only lived ten miles apart, without the Internet we most certainly wouldn’t have met. Our backgrounds were quite different and we shared no social networks.
In addition, I was getting gun shy of meeting new men online, because of the way they kept vaporizing after our first date. I was beginning to feel mighty hopeless! And besides being a shy, private person himself, Mike was also fearful of bringing another into his off and on struggle with chronic fatigue (CFS).
Then there was the fact that we didn’t really match up on paper. I came from a background with an emphasis on academics, and Mike went to the Navy instead of college. His specialty is mechanics and electronics, mine is counseling, research and writing.
But what we did have in common turned out to be much more important. Mike and I immediately found a camaraderie of spirit which I have never found in another human being. We both realized later that we had been seeking to connect with others in this way for most of our lives, but had somehow missed until the day we met.
From the very beginning our souls spoke to each other in a unique and wonderful way, a spontaneous familiarity, a synchronicity of body, mind and heart. And even more amazing, we both realized and appreciated that fact immediately. No backing away from it, no denying it. We both decided to trust our inner wisdom and simply went with our feelings.
We spoke for ten hours on our first date! And took a short trip together less than two weeks after we met. Reminds me of that great line at the end of one of my all-time favorite romantic comedies:
“When you finally meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible!” - from “When Harry Met Sally.
We both had been through so much, and so we recognized immediately when something unique and wonderful fell into our laps. I also learned about a key component of compatibility that I had never thought about before. Besides the usual requirements, the deal breakers, etc., I learned how important it is that your partner comprehend things at a rate comparable to yourself. In other words, Mike and I think at the same rate, and often come to the same conclusions simultaneously. We have found this to be quite a gift in a long term relationship!
My own theory of love and attraction came through loud and clear when I first met Mike. My theory is you get what you are in love. As much as you have worked on developing into your best self, that is the kind of person you will attract to yourself.
So keep working on self-love and self-respect, feel daily gratitude for the life you now have, and read good blogs like my new one: How to believe in love again.
My favorite poet Marge Piercy said it best in her book “The Moon is Always Female”: “Love is plunging into darkness toward a place that may exist.”
by Laura Lee Carter, author of How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom, Midlife Magic: Becoming the person you are inside! and the Midlife Change Workbook.