28 Comments

  1. smilin' brad

    I’m always lifted up when I read of the success of others. If it is possible for you, it is possible for me.
    I too have been pursuing that elusive combination of compatibility factors, physical, mental, emotional and Spiritual for 12 years since ending my 20 year marriage. Some women have been a marvelous combination of several factors but not balanced in all areas. Many times, I have not held an open heart to possibility. So, we live and learn. It only has to work right once to make it all worth while. It’s a marvelous journey! More Love.

  2. midlifecrisisqueen

    Thanks for your comment Brad. You’re right, it just needs to happen once to make all of the rest of the struggle worthwhile. Keep the faith!

  3. smilin' brad

    Oh Marie! I too was an angry soul for years after my divorce. I finally got tired of it and decided to change my mind. I sat with my anger and tried to discover why I was so mad at someone for leaving me when we had been such a poor match from the beginning. I discovered the source of my anger and have been able to release it. (It had nothing to do with her) I’m now able to move on with my Life and have worked dilligently to become the person I would like to spend time with. If I find someone to share Life’s path, GREAT! If I don’t? I’m enjoying the journey. Life doesn’t always come up smelling like roses but that’s OK, we need the manure! More love.

  4. Marie

    Wow..Im impressed that my comment was made part of an actual post in your blog. Im flattered, honestly. Thanks midlifecrisis queen.. One of the things I was also told to do by this counselor was keep a journal.. As if!! I already keep several online blogs but took a break from online writing when one of my readers told me I was getting dull .. Then I started penning erotica stories for adult pay sites.

    To smilin’ brad- Honestly , Im not mad or angry. Im really just shattered that well…this thing I call my life now MAY be all there is left. Its scary actually. Not angry at all.

    PS-I left both my husbands but I realize/ know Im 50% of the blame for each marital failure. I still talk and and can be in the same room civilly interacting with both of them.. I left any “bitterness” behind 3 years ago. Even uprooted myself for another job in another state in 2005… Mentioning this because perhaps my “point of refernece” wasnt exactly clear…

  5. smilin' brad

    Marie, someone told me that depression is simply anger without enthusiasm. I was reading an article about Studs Turkel on his 94th birthday. He said someone commented “who would want to live to be 94?”, he replied, I’m sure the people who are 93 are pretty darn interested in it. Own it, stop whining and get on with your Life, no matter what it looks like. It’s an opportunity, not an entitlement. No guarantees, expressed or implied. More Love.

  6. Marie

    Hey again Brad-

    I think you got a really wrong impression of me. I work everyday and have my fair share of responsibility or “opportunities” (to put a happier spin on the word). If you call this whining, then I’d ask you to to stop responding to it.. Wouldnt want to bring you down. LOL

    Depression is “anger” manifested in whatever form it comes out (cynicism, rage, addiction or self-destructive behavior)… I have a degree in psychology, see a counselor and have been on meds for over a decade.. I kinda know of what I speak.

    Lastly, I dont want to “own” anything. I guess in that regard, Im not as arrogant as some to think I can control what is unknown..I realize tomorrow may not come and that there are fates worse than death. Example-I could not imagine becoming paraplegic and still having all my mental capacity. I’d definitely use my pistol then…

  7. cantorballard

    Hey Marie,
    I know you wrote this blog entry ages ago, but I just stumbled across it, and I love your site. While I’m an intellectual, too, I much prefer reading about real people, and the topic resonates strongly in my life.

    I am an adventure queen, love life, have loved raising my 2 kids, and been single for 7 years. Almost frightfully single. I wanted to focus on my last years with my kids at home, and not have to juggle time, and now I just sent the last one to college (Thank goodness I started young, so I’m only 46) and am finally starting life over. The scary part is – I also have NO social network to even begin to reach out to for that purpose, so I’m really starting over from scratch.

    I am also a very soulful person, and while looks, profession, intelligence, and character all play roles in our selection criteria, I loved the factor you mentioned about how you and Mike process things the same way and at the same pace, and that you instantly knew you had one soul. I know it will be that way for me, too, but the concept of having to kiss those frogs before the prince comes along makes me a little skittish. I hate frogs.

    So – thanks for the encouragement. You’re a real woman, living a real life. And Brad – you’re a pretty smart guy, too. I wish my ex had your enlightenment. All the best, and MORE LOVE for EVERYONE!
    Debbi
    http://www.mypersonalcantor.com

  8. midlifecrisisqueen

    Laura Lee here (aka The Queen)

    Good news! No frog kissing required! The clearer you are about what you deserve now, the more quickly you will find it. Self-respect and self-love are the key!

    You go girl! We all need good friends, so go meet some!

    Laura Lee

  9. wyomingnna

    48 – My mom died. I looked at life. Decided that the platonic marriage I had was not what I wanted to model for my two daughters. Fell into and OLD love relationship. Don’t do that. If someone flaked out on you several times before—it WILL happen again. But wait! Went to a friend’s 30th high school reunion. Knew LOTS of people from earlier school years. Met a guy that I would never have hooked up with before. He was a jock and had been in the military. I was a hippie theater person (in my earlier years). We lived across the country from each other. We tentatively e-mailed, IMed, then finally telephoned. We spent months reading books together about relationships–what we wanted out of the rest of our lives. Sometime in there we figured out we had been in 2nd grade together. I’d had a crush on him in 2nd grade! I remembered him vividly because one day he had a pained expression on his face and I (being extremely shy at the time) had to get up the courage to tell the teacher that he had a razor blade up his nose. Well, years later…..I find out it was an ERASER! (Boys will be boys). We got a big laugh out of that one. Now we’ve had a long-distance relationship for FIVE years. We are waiting for our last two daughters (four between us) graduate from high school before we move to the same city. The reason I tell this story is because I believe that we are supposed to meet certain souls in our lifetime/s. My life changed instantly from one moment to the next at that reunion. Open your eyes. Look for the signs. Wonderful things can happen.

  10. carol

    I enjoyed reading your blog. I met someone that I am seeing now – he’s 51 I’m 48. There is definitely something between the souls as we get older and we both sense this ourselves. We have been seeing each other for three months now and every kiss is like our first kiss (this happened on Christmas – the best Christmas present I have ever received). We both think about each other 24-7. I’ll pick up the phone to call and he’s on the other end. I can see spending the rest of my life with him – it’s for both of us “where have you been my whole life” only the thing with that is we had to live life and make mistakes before God allowed us to meet each other. We lived at the same apartment complex and knew each other casually for about a year before we got together but, in retrospect, I can see the destiny aspect and how we were drawn to each other. He always seemed special to me before I fell head over heels. Wonderful things can and do happen – we have to open our hearts and minds and close the door on all the hurts of the past. When we do that and we are not looking for love, it really does happen. I feel as if I am a teenager in love for the first time only with all the wisdom I have gleened through the years.

  11. mary

    call it depression, call it anger, or bitterness– in any description what you sadly lack is optimism and lacking optimism is a downward slide to emptiness. I too am 49 and have many of the same thoughts as you. I was married for 23 years to a serial adulterer and tried to work through that issue for many many years to no avail. My kids, family and friends are all repeatedly stunned to find out how my ex really behaves now that he is untethered from me. And, I too realize I am partially to blame for our failed marriage. I too have kissed lots of frogs and found myself pursuing the wrong things– I am very attracted to “successful, attractive” men. However, I am very optimistic about my journey and evolution… those characteristics (successful and attractive) are becoming seconds to character, integrity and spirituality for myself and a partner. That is why I am very optimistic– there is so much goodness in this world and people I meet that I am giddy thinking of it. Call me pollyanna– there are worse things. So, Marie, I say try another outlook — you choose to be happy; Who wants to be around a grump? That too has been part of my learning. All the best.

  12. GOOD FOR YOU MARY! YOU GO GIRL! You have exactly the right attitude to find someone perfect for you now, and you did it all for yourself….
    Blessings,
    Laura Lee aka the Queen!

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