Midlife Change: Chronic Illness

“No one was ever wise by chance.” – Seneca 

I have a very close friend whose midlife change story could probably top any of ours. He was going along at age 35, feeling strong and healthy, when chronic fatigue (CFS) hit him like a ton of bricks. He had just gotten married and was working at his dream job, when a bad case of the flu hit him hard and would not go away. In fact it just kept getting worse and the doctors had no clue what to do about it. There were times when sitting up in a chair took more energy than he had. He was eventually reduced to needing a wheelchair to get around.

As his condition became totally disabling, doctors started adding insult to injury, by accusing him of making this all up or minimizing it by blaming it on depression. In case you were wondering, when doctors don’t understand a condition and can’t help, the worst of them start blaming the victim.

He lost his wife and his great job, forced to spend years alone lying on his back, with no assistance from the medical establishment. He rented out his house because he feared losing it and finally qualified for social security disability because he had reams of medical reports ruling out everything from MS to any other disease you can name.

Yes, he did consider suicide a few times. What was the point of going on? He had CFS and there was no cure, and only the vaguest understanding of what it was or how it sabotaged the body’s immune system. What future did he have to hold on to? Why would he ever get better? Situations like this really show you who your friends are!

Finally, for unknown reasons, he started feeling a bit better. He was afraid to have any hope at first, but he had to admit his balance and strength were coming back slowly. He was so anxious to get back to work, that he desperately talked a local company into hiring him for a temp position. They were so impressed with his work that they hired him permanent within a month or so.

Since he didn’t know what else to believe, he decided he was completely cured. He worked for a few years, got his house back and optimism returned. He even started dating again around age 45. Life was improving!

This is where I came in. The man I am describing is my husband. I met him through Match.com at age 50 and he warned me before we ever met, that he had had chronic fatigue but seemed much better now. He just wanted to put it out there, so if I needed to run away, I would do it sooner rather than later. This is courage, integrity and honesty, something you need to have when meeting others through the internet.

I now know that chronic fatigue comes and goes in completely unpredictable patterns. One day Mike can be fine and later that day or the next he can be barely able to stand or move. Luckily I was able to do some internet research and find a unique MD in England who is having some major success treating this apparent mitochrondrial cell malfunction with OTC supplements. Mike keeps taking lots of supplements as we struggle on, while waiting for the CDC to finally do their job and find a cure for CFS.

My real point is to help you appreciate the life and health you do have, even if you are divorced, struggling financially or very lonely. If you have the strength to get up in the morning and do your life, you are very lucky! There are millions who don’t even have that and have no idea why this is happening in their life. There are some that would LOVE to have the strength to simply go to work, or hold their wife and children.

Mike is a gigantic inspiration to me!